Obviously I am a mom on welfare. I am not proud nor am I disgusted with myself. Its just the way it is. I don’t plan on being this way for too much longer as I finished school in the past year and currently looking for a job.
I need to support my now nine month old daughter, Julia. She is my life! Her father is in and out of the picture. We can’t stand one another and fight constantly, so he hardly comes around much. He’s here when he wants to be. I’ve gotten mad about it in the past but what can I do?
I’m a 30 year old single mother who lives with HER mother. I’ve applied for housing and have not heard back. Ive filled out monstrous amount of paperwork. However I still have not heard. Which is a good thing and bad. I don’t own a car and getting from point A to point B is a bit of a hassle. God forbid an emergency happened and I wouldn’t be able to get anywhere. I do pay my mother rent in order to stay here. I do not know what I would do without my mother!!!!
Of course I got into this situation myself and have no one to blame. I met Julia’s father Ken at my last job. I worked as a cab driver for the town I live in. My car got repossessed right before I found the job and I wanted something I could have the ability to drive. So I applied at the cab company. Got the job and started hitting on Ken. I thought he was a good guy at first. Saw he had no ring and was handsome. Didn’t know at the time he was 19 years older than me. We started dating and it was all good in the beginning (It always is, isn’t it?). He was traveling to Martha’s Vineyard in the summer of 2011 to caddy at the golf course that Obama goes to. So on weekends while I was working the cab company and going to class I would take a bus from South Station to Woods Hole and take the ferry to the island.
Things started to get rocky after he came home and we argued more and more. I was talking to another guy at the cab company and we became close friends. Kirk was a guy that I didn’t find attractive at first. Then he became really nice to me and flirted back and forth. Kirk was divorced father of 2. Younger than Ken by about 8 years. After I knew things with Ken weren’t going to work out I fell for Kirk.
Then Kirk got arrested for DUI. He told me one night that he had some beers at home and his youngest son was in his last diaper and had an accident. So he was forced to go out and get more. Then on his way back he got pulled over for crossing the yellow line. I believed him. Sadly, that was not the truth.
He did cross the yellow line, but not for running out of diapers. He had been drinking in New Hampshire and was driving home. With his two sons in the backseat. So off to court he went. He began to drink more and more at that time. He lost his license but continued to drive.
About that time in the fall of 2011, I found out I was pregnant. I was joking with other employees about how I was buying a pregnancy test because my breasts were sore. Yeah some joke. I was spending the night at Ken’s that night when I took the first of the two urine sticks. Positive! I burst into tears. Flipped out! Ken was shocked but said it’s probably nothing and we went to bed. Next morning I take the second one and its again Positive! SHIT! I called my cousin, Mike. I had no other choice but to go to the walk in clinic and get a blood test! I met Mike at the local Dunkins to talk. Ken dropped me off.
We talked and then went off to the clinic. He stayed with me the entire time even though he had a date that night. They took blood and low and behold, it was still positive. A month and a half pregnant. I never keep track of my period so I had no idea the answer to my last menstral cycle. They did a sonogram and there was the beating heart of a baby. My baby. However I also had no idea who the father was. How was I going to tell my family, my mother? My Roman Irish Catholic Mother? Beyond horrified!
I am very Pro-Life so abortion was OUT of the question! I meddled around with adoption but I know I could never give my baby away.
After the clinic my cousin dropped me off to my sister. Mike came in when I told my sister and she was MAD. My sister and I have never been close and this would rock our whole relationship. My sister is sixteen years older than I. Her husband came home and I had to tell him. Then I was alone with my goddaughter, Vanessa. I was telling her what was going on when my nephew came into the room. So I let him in on it. My sister and brother in law were PISSED that I told their kids. Sam was 15 and Vanessa 14. Not children. I did not want my eleven year old niece to know.
My sister drove me home and she was going to wait til my mother got home. Knowing what I know now I’m glad my mother did not come home with my sister there. Mom was out late into the night and I stayed up waiting. Worrying, with a pit in my stomach. That pit was a baby. Mom finally got home and I had to come out with it. I told her straight up. The hardest thing I EVER had to tell my mother. Even though I was 29 years old. She flipped and was so pissed I went to bed crying. I also had to say I didn’t know the father was.
During my pregnancy things were VERY rocky. My sister cut my mom and I out of the family. She called and talked to relatives saying I was a slut and my situation. However my family stood by me and supported me. At the annual family Christmas Party, my sister opted out of going because I was going. Which everyone said was a dumb move on her part. She told me I was not allowed around her children. I was not allowed for Thanksgiving at her house. We went to my cousins, Joe’s. I learned how my sister didn’t want me to be born. My brothers died before I was born and one was VERY sick with Cancer and it took my mom away from my sister. I found out all this from my mother. I was hurt and mad at everything. So as revenge I got my nieces cell number and texted her saying I was pregnant. Boy did THAT add fuel to the fire! It was a selfish immature move but I was hurting and VERY moody.
Fast forward to June 8th 2012…. My baby girl was due June 23rd (My fathers bday) however I was told to come to the hospital immediately. My blood was toxic. I had preclempsia. Had to be induced. Julia was born on June 9th 2012 at 10:22am. Weighing Eight pounds five ounces. 22 inches long. Healthy beautiful baby!
More on this story tomorrow as my baby girl is awake and crying!