New Pending EBT Laws

Massachusetts law makers want to add photos to the EBT cards to decrease fraud. I have no idea how that will decrease fraud. How about the whole system needs an overhaul? I really don’t understand how illegals want to come into this country and even our state and get free welfare. At least I’ve paid into it and worked since I was fifteen years old.

How do you regulate someone going to the ATM to get cash and then next door to buy booze, scratchers, guns, tattoos, etc? That’s a lot to investigate. I guess a cop in Chelsea MA has the answer.

Fine with me to put my photo on my EBT card. Doesn’t bother me in the least. I think they should dig deeper when getting applications in on each person. I see people in the welfare offices with a blackberry AND an iPhone. Her two smaller children playing with the iPhone and her drunk or high on her blackberry. When she wasn’t passed out anyways.

In all seriousness, they need to overhaul the whole system. Not all of us on the dole are using it to our advantage. I still don’t have an iPhone just a Safe Link phone with no camera. I do have a Kindle but my cousin gave me the money for it.

Im still wondering how I can afford diapers this month….. How are these people using these benefits for vacations? Its beyond me.


Baby Daddy Drama/Rant

I had another arguement with the father of my child. Now maybe I WAS in a bad mood before he came over, maybe I had just watched ’16 and Pregnant’ and was pissed about the babys father not getting off his ass and helping the mother care for their child. However he always pisses me off anyhow.

On Monday Ken came over and I can’t really remmeber what he first asked me and I guess I answered in a sarcastic or snotty tone which he picked up on by replying

“Look, Mommy is perfect.” “Mommy is in a bad mood, again!”

Which of course mad me madder. He also adds about how I have no job and he works his ass off. I still don’t understand how driving a cab is working your ass off! I’ll let it go. Then he goes by telling me to baby proof the house. I watch Julia 24/7 and can intercept before she gets hurt. Of course sometimes I don’t make it and she can lean to far back on her knees and fall backwards hitting her head. Baby-proofing is EXPENSIVE! I can barely afford diapers. I might even have to use cloth for the remander of the month til my welfare check comes in on the 20th. If he is so concern let him buy the baby proofing stuff! Then he asks when Im going to get the plastic sheild for the crib, as Julia is starting to bite the rails. I have it picked out online but one does not use an EBT card to purchase items online.

When he tells me to “Get A Job” like it is SO easy! First most companies now a days require you have your own transportation. Then there’s daycare. Ken laughs that Im on welfare and when I mention that fathers have to help out with daycare expenses he says “Well you can get a voucher for that! I’m not paying you anymore money!” Yeah like $89 a week is a lot for 40 hour a week job!

I can’t stand his shit. I ask him to mind Julia at my mothers house where I reside as well. Then stuff goes missing. Like mom’s pickle, or a new jar of mustard is open. Now it’s just myself and my mother at the house. I don’t even like Dijon mustard. First words out of Ken’s mouth “Wasn’t Me!” Mom was like why would he even say that as it is someone else’s house. I also had a book from the library that he also wanted to read which ended up missing and I paid the library for a replacement. Ok, so it may be bad to blame it on him as I don’t have proof. However he always takes things without asking which is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. He takes gum out of my pack (and he chews two pieces at a time), when we invite him for dinner he reaches across the table without asking for someone to pass it to him. When we are out in public he pushes people out of the way. He was late to church one Sunday and we were in the middle of a pew and he rushed a senior citizen out of the way. Its RUDE! I don’t like RUDE people! He says the F bomb in front of children. If he does it in front of Julia I’ll have to say something! He says the lords name in front of my mother which is disrespectful in someone’s home. I could go on and on.

(Sorry that this post is more of a rant but these things get to me!!!!)

Then he can turn around and be a good person! Like getting me tickets to see my favorite comedian for a Christmas gift or get me a gift to go indoor skydiving. Maybe its a way to say “Look Im sorry I acted like an ass…. here lets do something.” Next Sat he is taking my mom, Julia and myself to the circus. It still doesn’t make up for his attitude. More and more I wish the other guy was the father (Before Julia was born there were two possible fathers) At least he never treated me as a pile of SHIT, EVER! He did lie to me but he didn’t want me to think less of him in the situation he was in.

Ken lies a LOT! He wants to lie to the IRS to get the Earned Income Credit. The reason he couldn’t get it is because he doesn’t have full custody of Julia. So he wants to go back to H&R Block and tell them we all live together. For the $2500. Which I KNOW it isn’t that much money. Which Julia and I will not see a dime of I might add.

Shit, Literally

Julia has been having problem with bowel movements. She is not regular, like her momma. However I have more issues. (ie no gallbladder) Every time Julia goes number two its the size of Boston’s (my pet rabbit) poop. Should I teach her to use the liter-box like Boston and throw her in the cage?!

JOKING! (Do not call DCF on me! LOL!)

Luckily tomorrow is her nine month wellness check up. Will ask the doctor about that as well as some other issues. Her eye is more inward than the other, her lack of crawling, her diaper rash, etc.

My friend who is a nanny told me to feed her pears. This morning I gave her prunes. Tonight I gave her pears. I hope she wakes up in the middle of the night with a blowout. Then at least I would feel much better. These hard stools hurt her tummy and stink much more than diarrhea. My poor little baby girl.

Other interesting news. Well this week has been MY week! On Friday we had the remnants of a snow storm. However I found someone on Craigslist selling a Kindle Fire for the amount I wanted to pay. My cousin came over for dinner last week and gave me money for my birthday. I asked my mom for a tablet and she said it was too expensive so I got one on my own. I NEVER spend money on myself in regards to “stuff”. I always treat my mom to eating out or to a coffee. So this was a gift to myself. Julia is all set with her needs. I bought BJ bulk sized diapers, plenty of wipes, etc. I had some credit left over on my Amazon account. I also sold a smart-phone I had through a site and got an Amazon gift card. So before I even got the Kindle I bought 3 books and another sheet for Julia’s crib.

Went to WIC last Thursday. So I got more checks for baby food and oatmeal. They never gave me checks for formula (the most expensive item!) Last time I had no formula and no money and went to them and they said they gave me formula checks when they didn’t. Guess they won’t be supplying me formula anymore. Whatever, three more months and I’m putting her on whole milk! (Unless the doctor tells me I can start early!) I was thinking of running to Stop N Shop tonight to stock up on baby food as we are running low on choices.

My bff, Alison, came over yesterday. I got Ken to come over and babysit (can I use the word babysit for his own daughter?) Julia so I could go out baby-free. I never get time off for being a 24/7 mommy. Mom thinks I shouldn’t have time off. I think every mom and dad should have time off. More so if you are a single parent! So he came over and Alison and I went out. I had to return a mesh crib bumper as she will be standing up before long and it says to remove it then, so it wasn’t practical. Then we went to the Used BookStore. This place used to be awesome! People donate books and they turn around and sell them. Granted they give most the money to charity. However now the books are more than they used to be. At first they were 80-90% off the cover price. Now a $12 can be $7 if its in good used condition. I got a few books, one for Julia and a CD. I will only get it if its under $3 per book and its something I REALLY want to read. I wish I was more organized and wrote down all the books I want to read (which I have now).

Well the baby just woke up. Time to tend to her. Here’s hoping for a diaper blowout!!

Mother May I

I’m sure I mentioned somewhere in that long introduction that I live in my moms house. The house I was born and raised in. I’m 30 years old (31 on the 21st), however when I’m here I feel like I’m five. I get that Im the youngest. I get that my mom lost two sons. One to leukemia and the other was hit by a car in the front of this very house. I was never “grounded”, never got things taken away, etc. Never had to clean my room or empty out the dishwasher. I think this is why I’m lazy today. I don’t pick up after myself. (Unless I am a guess in another home) I NEVER make my bed. My Moms lucky I even put a dish in the sink. Now I’m sure if I lived alone I would clean. I lived with a former boyfriend for a couple years. I cleaned….I just refused to vacuum.

I do my own laundry, I pay for my own food, I take care of my daughter, and I clean my bunnies cage. I clean my room when I feel like it. I pay rent. I NEVER ask my mother for money!! Unless I have no cash and the stores never accept EBT then I have her pay and then I go to the ATM and pay her back.

My mom is super religious. We are a Catholic family. I’m second generation Irish as my grandmother came over when she was seventeen. My mom grew up poorer than me. She was in the projects in Charlestown, Mass. Her father a railroad worker/alcoholic. I heard how my grandfather would be at the pub all night and my mom would have to go find him and bring him home. Or the one time my grandfather threw my aunt down the stairs because she took his beer away.

I mentioned that because my medical assisting teacher is also Catholic and invited me to this retreat. Its for getting back into the religion. Lets say I everything but listen in church as a kid. I would bring Game Boys, book, cassette players with the earbuds up my sleeves, even a Cosmo magazine into church. Now I go every Sunday. I listen. Unless Julia wants to yell out loud and everyone stares.

Mom does not want me to go on this retreat. The price to go is $230. I emailed the person in charge and explained my financial situation and she said I could go on a scholarship and just pay $30! I was so excited! Its April 18-21 with a mass at 10 on that Sunday. Mom thinks I’m trying to get out of caring for my daughter. I thought she would be happy that I wanted to go. Its not like I am going out partying. I never drink even. Plus I don’t have a car so I NEVER even go out of the house unless we have a doctors appt or church.

Even though I do not like the father of my child. I asked if he would mind her. He said yes. However he is working on getting a new job. So if he gets this job (road test is tomorrow) then he won’t be able to.

I’m not being selfish here, am I?

I put Julia to bed over an hour ago. I sat down and had dinner with my mother. I came back upstairs into my bedroom because the news is on and my mother watches the news. She yelled up to me:

“What are you doing?!

“I’m on Craigslist.”


“I’m bored.”

“Watch TV with me!”


“Is Craigslist on Facebook because you’re not to be on Facebook!”

Sigh, this is how conversations go in the house. Like I said I have to check in every five minutes. I’m going to start asking her if I can go to the bathroom. Seriously. I need to get out of here!

Introduction Part 2

I had my baby on a Saturday and I got out of the hospital on Monday. Julia had jaundice but it wasn’t that bad. After the hospital I went to my sisters. The girls really wanted to meet their new cousin. Vanessa was on her way to a dance and I think my nephew, Sam was out. Lauren was so excited to hold Julia. Here is Lauren holding Julia.Image

That night, I remember not being able to lie down. I couldn’t breathe. Julia would not sleep on her back and against the advice of other people except my mother, I put Julia on her stomach to sleep. I put her on the living room floor on a blanket. I stayed up all night watching her making sure she wouldn’t die of SIDS. I was so scared. I LOVE SLEEP! So I never in my life have stayed up all night. The next day was Julia’s first pediatrician appointment. It was raining that day. Before we left the house I had a huge panic attack which Ive had in the past along with depression. However I got so worked up I was throwing up. I have Emetophobia (the fear of vomiting). So I was crying and still couldn’t breathe. We got to the doctors office, My mom was carrying Julia in her car seat as I walked way behind. I could not take another step I could no take another breath. I sat down on the curb, crying, in the rain. I finally got up and went into the building. Took the elevator up and was balling. Kept saying over and over “I can’t breathe!” My mom went to check in Julia and the secretary asked if I were her daughter and my mother said yes. She then asked if I was all right. She said I was having a panic attack. They gave me a glass of water and told me to go to the ER immediately. I also had an appointment with my gyno and I really wanted to go. So Mom took me there. They took one look at me and told me to go to the ER. Which we then did.

I was in the ER for 12 hours. This was a big hospital on the outskirts of Boston so Mom had to take the baby home before rush hour. I was alone with no cell phone, no TV, and nothing to do. I couldn’t even get up to press the call button I was so weak.

Finally I got a room in the step down unit. I remember that room so well. I was in room 666. Great now I was going to die. I was in and out of conscience. Nurses coming in every hour to check my blood pressure which was so high. I didn’t even have to get out of bed since I got a nice catheter. Thirty and my first one ever! Joy. They gave me diuretics. Do you know they took TWENTY SEVEN POUNDS of fluid out of me?!?! I went in before baby 275lbs. After baby 260 something. Then after the fluid I was down to….. I can’t even remember the numbers to be honest. I just know it was a lot! I joked with the nurses saying if I stayed here another week could I get to a normal 140?!

A couple days in the step down unit, I got moved to the other side of the hospital in a better number room. There I met with doctors and nurses. My bff, Alison, came to visit me and the guy in the next room shat himself. So gross.

I begged to go home every day. The assistant to the doctor kept saying tomorrow, tomorrow. Then tomorrow came and said no. I wanted to strangle him. Meanwhile, my Mom is at home taking care of Julia. Ken came over to do the paternity test. (He is the father).

I went into the hospital on a Wednesday and left the following Monday. It was horrible! If I had a book and a computer I wouldn’t have minded. I was just so bored. When I would get up to use the bathroom nurses would rush in and ask are you OK?! I’m like, I’m fine. Fresh after having a baby they give you mesh panties and these humongous maxi pads. So I had to get up and change every couple of hours. My pulse was up in the 140s. Way too high! I was not allowed to get out of bed unless to go to the bathroom. I had to keep the pulse down to 120 and STAY under 120 in a walk around the floor. Never did. I finally pleaded out and got to go home. Ken came and got me. I went through the baby blues in the hospital too so I was all ready to just go home!

I do want another baby some time before I expire. However I do not want to go through THAT again. Next time I want to be married with a supportive husband not some sperm donor. I just hope Ken and I can be civil when it comes to Julia but I don’t know if that is in the cards!

Pray for us!



Obviously I am a mom on welfare. I am not proud nor am I disgusted with myself. Its just the way it is. I don’t plan on being this way for too much longer as I finished school in the past year and currently looking for a job.

I need to support my now nine month old daughter, Julia. She is my life! Her father is in and out of the picture. We can’t stand one another and fight constantly, so he hardly comes around much. He’s here when he wants to be. I’ve gotten mad about it in the past but what can I do?

I’m a 30 year old single mother who lives with HER mother. I’ve applied for housing and have not heard back. Ive filled out monstrous amount of paperwork. However I still have not heard. Which is a good thing and bad. I don’t own a car and getting from point A to point B is a bit of a hassle. God forbid an emergency happened and I wouldn’t be able to get anywhere. I do pay my mother rent in order to stay here. I do not know what I would do without my mother!!!!

Of course I got into this situation myself and have no one to blame. I met Julia’s father Ken at my last job. I worked as a cab driver for the town I live in. My car got repossessed right before I found the job and I wanted something I could have the ability to drive. So I applied at the cab company. Got the job and started hitting on Ken. I thought he was a good guy at first. Saw he had no ring and was handsome. Didn’t know at the time he was 19 years older than me. We started dating and it was all good in the beginning (It always is, isn’t it?). He was traveling to Martha’s Vineyard in the summer of 2011 to caddy at the golf course that Obama goes to. So on weekends while I was working the cab company and going to class I would take a bus from South Station to Woods Hole and take the ferry to the island.

Things started to get rocky after he came home and we argued more and more. I was talking to another guy at the cab company and we became close friends. Kirk was a guy that I didn’t find attractive at first. Then he became really nice to me and flirted back and forth. Kirk was divorced father of 2. Younger than Ken by about 8 years. After I knew things with Ken weren’t going to work out I fell for Kirk.

Then Kirk got arrested for DUI. He told me one night that he had some beers at home and his youngest son was in his last diaper and had an accident. So he was forced to go out and get more. Then on his way back he got pulled over for crossing the yellow line. I believed him. Sadly, that was not the truth.

He did cross the yellow line, but not for running out of diapers. He had been drinking in New Hampshire and was driving home. With his two sons in the backseat. So off to court he went. He began to drink more and more at that time. He lost his license but continued to drive.

About that time in the fall of 2011, I found out I was pregnant. I was joking with other employees about how I was buying a pregnancy test because my breasts were sore. Yeah some joke. I was spending the night at Ken’s that night when I took the first of the two urine sticks. Positive! I burst into tears. Flipped out! Ken was shocked but said it’s probably nothing and we went to bed. Next morning I take the second one and its again Positive! SHIT! I called my cousin, Mike. I had no other choice but to go to the walk in clinic and get a blood test! I met Mike at the local Dunkins to talk. Ken dropped me off.

We talked and then went off to the clinic. He stayed with me the entire time even though he had a date that night. They took blood and low and behold, it was still positive. A month and a half pregnant. I never keep track of my period so I had no idea the answer to my last menstral cycle. They did a sonogram and there was the beating heart of a baby. My baby. However I also had no idea who the father was. How was I going to tell my family, my mother? My Roman Irish Catholic Mother? Beyond horrified!

I am very Pro-Life so abortion was OUT of the question! I meddled around with adoption but I know I could never give my baby away.

After the clinic my cousin dropped me off to my sister. Mike came in when I told my sister and she was MAD. My sister and I have never been close and this would rock our whole relationship. My sister is sixteen years older than I. Her husband came home and I had to tell him. Then I was alone with my goddaughter, Vanessa. I was telling her what was going on when my nephew came into the room. So I let him in on it. My sister and brother in law were PISSED that I told their kids. Sam was 15 and Vanessa 14. Not children. I did not want my eleven year old niece to know.

My sister drove me home and she was going to wait til my mother got home. Knowing what I know now I’m glad my mother did not come home with my sister there. Mom was out late into the night and I stayed up waiting. Worrying, with a pit in my stomach. That pit was a baby. Mom finally got home and I had to come out with it. I told her straight up. The hardest thing I EVER had to tell my mother. Even though I was 29 years old. She flipped and was so pissed I went to bed crying. I also had to say I didn’t know the father was.

During my pregnancy things were VERY rocky. My sister cut my mom and I out of the family. She called and talked to relatives saying I was a slut and my situation. However my family stood by me and supported me. At the annual family Christmas Party, my sister opted out of going because I was going. Which everyone said was a dumb move on her part. She told me I was not allowed around her children. I was not allowed for Thanksgiving at her house. We went to my cousins, Joe’s. I learned how my sister didn’t want me to be born. My brothers died before I was born and one was VERY sick with Cancer and it took my mom away from my sister. I found out all this from my mother. I was hurt and mad at everything. So as revenge I got my nieces cell number and texted her saying I was pregnant. Boy did THAT add fuel to the fire! It was a selfish immature move but I was hurting and VERY moody.

Fast forward to June 8th 2012…. My baby girl was due June 23rd (My fathers bday) however I was told to come to the hospital immediately. My blood was toxic. I had preclempsia. Had to be induced. Julia was born on June 9th 2012 at 10:22am. Weighing Eight pounds five ounces. 22 inches long. Healthy beautiful baby!

More on this story tomorrow as my baby girl is awake and crying!